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Bangali Daak Naam – an insight

Trippy Diaries ūüôā

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Born in a Bengali family, I always wondered what the fuck did my “pet name” even mean? If you’re a Bengali, you must be aware where this post is heading to… *laughs in roshogulla* .. I think it was the horde of relatives who so grandiosely fucked my name to bits.. After days of round table conferences over “jhuri aloo bhaja” and “McDowell rum”, they came up with “Bubun”. It sounded bad and my tender 9 month 5 days old heart cried tears of blood every time someone called me “bubun”. Young, powerless me had to respond to this name. I hated my relatives for what they had done to me! What bad did I ever do them? I was devastated thinking what trolls would I have to face when I grow up! Time passed, 28 years later, I think I get the general idea behind “Bengali pet-name logic”. Let me share that with you..
Bengali people have a feeling that your nick name should be something which you can relate the person with, it need not be very proper as your original name. Also the nick names are given out of love mostly but it is also a subtle “fuck you” by your parents/relatives.
Research on Bengali siblings nomenclature strongly indicate ¬†that the elder siblings (guys) are mostly¬†called Babun , Bubun , Bappa, Tapun , Tatun, Tuton whereas the smaller ones are called Chotun , Chottu, Khokhon.¬†Similarly, the sisters are called Tumpa, Shompa, Jhumpa Rumpa and¬†brothers are Laltoo, Poltu, Soltu.¬†Another logic that makes sense is “Sound of Rhythms”.¬†Tu or Ta (male) and Ti (female) such as¬†poltu, potla, jhontu, mintu, pintu, montu, boolti, minti, jaunty etc.
Above all, there are exceptions to pet names too. Some pet names cry out to tell you right in the face how much your parents hate you.. Nicknames like Kalu, Bhodai, Shantonunu (originally Shantonu), Pocha, Thebla, Pechka … I mean WTF !! These names are above and beyond your everyday fuckery. These are advanced fuckery. Having said so, some names are so random, you can totally guess the number of fucks your family actually gave at your christening. Example: potol, puchka, guittha, tuni, poda etc etc.
[the below image is irrelevant as fuck. If you have any other logic on “bengali pet names”, let me know. Also let me know your most fucked up pet names]

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Cats- why I hate them?

Cats are Sociopaths of the animal kingdom.

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There have been thousands of posts on cats and here I am posting my opinion..
Cats are mean! I have seen cats tormenting smaller insects/animals instead of killing them directly. These motherfuckers are the sociopaths of the animal kingdom. The primary traits of a sociopath are complex, territorial, fascinating and majestic. So are cats!
Let me say it this way,
“When you notice a cat in profound meditation
The reason, I tell you, is always same
It’s mind is engaged in rapt contemplation
Of killing its owner and of world domination”

Look at this one! He clearly knows that he and his brethren were worshipped in the past. He’s just waiting for the right time. Someday while you are in slumber, there will be claws from hell coming down on you. Your very existence would be questioned. Accept the feline supremacy or die. Are you prepared for it, pesky cat owner?

As a matter of fact, my hatred for cat owners surpasses my hatred for cats. These bunch of people do not accept the fact that your cat rubbing up against you has¬†nothing to do with his affection for you. Cats have a great sense of smell, so your cat is secreting his scent onto you so no other cats will come near you.¬†When he snuggles his body against yours, all he’s saying is that he owns you.¬†You are his property. His minion.¬†Your relationship is emotionally abusive, and you didn’t even know it.

According to a phenomenon called ‚Äúpostmortem predation,‚ÄĚ a cat will eat your dead body one or two days¬†after you die. It doesn’t matter how great of an owner you were. You are now food. Your cat is¬†an impatient, merciless savage.

Domestic cats kill 20.7 billion smaller animals, including mice, chipmunks, voles and 3.7 billion birds. Cats are actually the¬†number one¬†killer of these animals.¬†Cats spend one-third of their day¬†just killing animals, and they don’t even do it because they’re hungry. They¬†do it because they feel like it.¬†They murder just to murder, like the genocidal barbarians that they are.

Cats¬†know¬†they’re good at hunting. Many of you probably find it ‚Äúcute‚ÄĚ when they bring their prey to your house and leave it at your doorstep.¬†But your cat didn’t bring you that dead mouse as a present because he loves you. He brought it because he knows¬†you wouldn’t be able to hunt for it yourself.¬†He’s telling you you’re inadequate at something you didn’t even know you could be inadequate at. Bow down to your master, asshole!

So, yeah, I hate cats and cat owners too! Can’t help it!